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ashleigh9169
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Name: Ashleigh
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Detroit
Birthday: 9/28/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: PARTYING!!, Spanish, cheerleading, horror movies, ghost stories, trying new things.
Expertise: Reminiscing, over-analyzing, worrying, speaking mad Spanish when I'm drunk.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  sugarshorty9169
Member Since:
1/9/2004
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| Accept when something is broken. Do not fix something that
is not. Don’t make things into something they aren’t. If you do, you end up
with greater problems than you know how to deal with. “Shit happens” is much more acceptable than “everything
happens for a reason”. We will not know if everything happens for a reason
until the end…until then, don’t worry about it. Some things just cannot be
rationalized. If you find this to be the case, it is more than likely not worth
your time trying to analyze it. Do not over-analyze. Over-thinking things is
just as bas as making things into something they’re not – both lead to problems
down the road that you will not know how to handle. Fucking up is unavoidable. We all fuck up. Regret things,
but do not dwell on them. The things we regret are always things done by
choice. Accept your choices and move on. We would not choose to do things if
they were not what we wanted at the time.
Accept things. Try to learn from everything, but do
not waste your time looking to do so. It is good to be eager to learn, but true
life lessons cannot be forced. Everything reverts back to“shit happens”. If we
could all pick and choose exactly what we wanted, the world would be chaos. ^ I've evaluated what I learned in 2005. Now if I could only come up with a New Years Resolution.
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| Tú como si tal cosa.
Te mendigo que me perdones
...pero fue tu culpa también.
No puede ser.
Pero es.
De ninguna manera voy a aceptar esto...
...pero, ¿qué remedio me queda?
No hay nada más que hacer.
No hay remedio.
Las desgracias nunca vienen solas,
Pero tú me prometía lo mejor.
No has mantenido tu palabra.
Pero quisiera que supieras que está bien.
No es necesario.
Yo lo necesitaba.
Yo lo quería.
Hoy lo odio.
Odio tus mentiras
Odio tu apatía
Odio tu odio
Bastante es suficiente.
No te importa si muero.
La muerte a nadie perdona.
Más vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer.
Por odioso tú que seas...
Te amo.
Tú como si tal cosa para superarme
Lo que pasó, pasó.
Sin embargo tú como si tal cosa
Porque no puedes aceptar tu sentimiento
Y no es mi problema.
No es mi culpa.
Te amé.
Te amaba.
Te amo.
...pero la muerte a nadie perdona.© Ashleigh Marino, 12/2005
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| Things are going okay for me, which is a completely 180 from how they
were going last month. "Okay" is not good and "okay" is not acceptable
for the future, but for the time-being it will do...it has to.
School has started and although my schedule didn't work out the way I
wanted it to, I still like all my classes. It sucks that I'm only
taking 13 credit hours but at least I won't overwhelm myself. Afterall,
I am still going to be working 30 hours a week (and am considering
getting a second job). What's really strange is that my favorite class
is my math class. Yeah, I know...Ashleigh and math?? And she likes it?
Things didn't work out with Ryan and I...kinda sucks. Five months of
talking long distance for hours on end and then he finally comes home
and it doesn't even work out. After things got shitty between us, they
started to look up after we decided to be friends...but then today I
went and fucked things up again by purposely picking a fight with him
for no reason. Well, no good reason anyway. Ugh.
Things are working
out between Chris and I. Guess I can literally say I'm dating the "boy
next door" now, eh? Haha. Actually he doesn't live next door...but
around the block. Close enough. He's so great. In fact, he's too
great...too nice. I never understood how someone could be too nice
until I met him. Other than me and my stupid "I don't know what I want"
feelings, things are going well between us. We're not official, at
least I don't think so...we're just kind of taking things one day at a
time...hanging out, getting to know each other. Things are going at a
snail's pace, which is all-around perfect for me because that's what I
need right now. Everything about him is perfect - we have a few big
things in common, a lot of little things that are opposite, we both
ultimately want the same end results in life, neither of us are lazy,
we're both level-headed and easy-going, him and his roommates are by
far the most laid-back and coolest people I have ever met in my entire
life, we have similar interests, we both have a good sense of humor
(but not the same sense of humor)...the list goes on. Point is, it is
going to be (and is already) very easy for me to fall into things with
him because we're ultimately looking for the same thing(s). I just
don't know if I'm ready to be that serious yet, and I also don't know
if I have enough things figured out to stick with this. He's older and
has his life in order and said he's looking for someone to be serious
with/settle down with. That's what I wanted with Bryan...that's what I
thought I had with Bryan...but all of a sudden that all went away. Am I
ready to have that again? ............ Either way, I'm taking things
one day at a time with him. It's nothing to be afraid of - we aren't
serious in the least bit. We've kissed twice and it has not become a
regular occurence. He doesn't push things and I don't initiate them. We
just hang out and have a good time...we're friends more than anything.
And for the time-being, that's perfectly fine and acceptable. (DID I
MENTION HE'S F-ING HOT? haha)
I never went through with the plans I had with Ruskin. Nothing was ever
set in stone and when he called to confirm things I just didn't answer
the phone. If this was 3 years ago, yeah - I'd be ecstatic...but it's
not 3 years ago and things are different now. I think the main reason I
was instantly excited that we were talking again was because that's
what I wanted for a long time. Eventually I just kind of forgot about
how badly I wanted that; partly because I didn't see it ever happening,
partly because I was so in love with Bryan, partly because of time, but
mostly because I got over him.
He moved on and so did I...and with Bryan things were at a completely
different level. For me to go back to talking to Ruskin is like walking
back down stairs you worked so hard to climb - and I just don't know if
that's worth it.
I'm hoping that in a few months I'll have a lot of the major problems
in my life figured out. Not necessarily solved, but at least figured
out. Therapy, group counseling and medical attention are the upcoming
plans of action and I can't say that I'm excited. I am, however,
looking forward to getting things straightened out and feeling better.
Things are already looking up and I'm remaining hopeful that things
continue to stay that way...and I will do everything in my power to see
that they do. <---And that's 16,000 times more motivation than I had
all summer - so that has to be a plus...
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| I should've died at 3:30 in the morning on Sunday, August 28th...but
for some reason God kept me here..after 16 hours of hell in the
emergency room.
I spent 4 days locked up in one of the worst psych wards in Michigan.
I finally talked to Bryan. Amazing how it took near death to make him talk to me.
Ryan's home from California.
I met an amazing guy who lives around the block for me who I've admired for a year but never talked to until our party.
I have a dinner date with Ruskin.
School starts tomorrow.
Oh, how strange life is.
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